I’ve had many strange things happening lately around and in my apartment. I received a visitor the same night I was followed by the poop police. This visitor happened to be a bat. It came in through my porch door when I had it open for Abby to walk out on the porch and stare at other dogs walking by. It’s one of her favorite pastimes. I was sitting on the couch minding my own business, watching the Real Housewives of NYC, when I heard rustling in my bedroom. I honestly freaked out that the poop police had somehow climbed in my bedroom window, but when I walked around the corner, I saw bat wings. Creepy, sick bat wings. If only it transformed into Christian Bale on command. So naturally, I screamed, and then ran out of the room. I turned off lights and opened windows, all in a feeble attempt to lure the bat out of my apartment. About an hour later the rustling and noise from the bat stopped. I decided to look around everywhere to see if the bat was still in the apartment. No signs of life anywhere. I was in the clear.
The next night, at around 2 am, I woke up to Abby barking at something under my bed. Hmm, what could it be? I looked down, and yes, there it was, the bat, all scrunched up in the corner, nasty as ever. Naturally, I screamed several times and jumped out of the bed, freaking out and paralyzed. The bat was literally the size of my palm, but I was convinced it would kill me. After about 15 minutes of freaking out, I ran to the kitchen and got a bowl. After another 5 mins of hyperventilating, I placed said bowl over the bat. Then I screamed because the bat started freaking out. I then got a cutting board and slid it under the bowl. All the while Abby could not stay away from the scene. She wanted to murder the bat. I don’t blame her. I then carried the bowl and the cutting board to the porch and set it down. I was going to just lift up the bowl, but I was too freaked out. I grabbed a broom and hit the bowl over the porch and slammed the door.
I lived through the night of the bat. I lost a bowl and a few hours of sleep. I also lost a lot of respect for bats. They creep me out.