Vulnerability.

This post is inspired by Lizzy. Never have I ever been vulnerable on this blog. People always say that is what blogs are for.

Not in my mind. In my mind it is for presenting your best self, the self that never gets hurt, or that is sad, or anything like that.

But, in the interest in trying something new, here it goes.

My mom died 2 and a half years ago. Most of the people reading this know that, but I never say it. I never write it. I hope that makes it less true.

But it doesn’t.

2 and a half years ago seems like ages. But it also seems like a minute ago. 2 and a half years feels like I should be healed.

Unfortunately, I just realize more and more how broken I am.

I long for a maternal relationship in my life. I long to feel the unconditional love that it seems only a mother can provide. Someone who cares if I bought a new lampshade or what I made for dinner. Someone who wants to egg the house of a boy that hurt me.  Someone who is more proud of my accomplishments than I am.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t really exist. It is kind of a one time shot, and my chance got cut short. Which stinks.

I wasn’t ready. I needed more time.

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-Hannah

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3 thoughts on “Vulnerability.

  1. karisse says:

    Thanks for writing this, Hannah. It made me cry a little. And I remember exactly what I felt like 2 years after my mom died. It’s kinda like everyone else felt like I should be “over-it” but I was just realizing it was real, and that she wasn’t coming back, and that I would never hear her voice again. Great. I’m crying again! Anyway, thanks for writing this. I’m sure it was therapeutic for you, and it was for me too. I write about my mom sometimes on my blog too. (She died from breast cancer 10 years ago this May) These were the only ones I could find. (http://www.karissejoy.blogspot.com/search/label/mom) I wish that I labeled things better because I know that I actually wrote more. Anyway. I wasn’t planning on leaving a novel as a comment. My bad.

  2. Gennie says:

    Love you Hannah. Miss you, miss her. Thankful for all the Keiths, more than you know. Xoxo

  3. Angie says:

    This is EXACT. I am crying now missing my mother who I lost 5 days before I turned 18. I so wish I could tell you the words you wrote would change, but here I am 25 years later crying over my chance cut short. The last 3 paragraphs of this I am sure I will re-read as they so beautifully express a hole inside and one that I know will be there forever. You are vulnerable Hannah to write this…beautiful and not alone. I need to be reminded of my void. Thank you for giving me a good cry. I miss my mom too.

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